For many , Christmas music is a guilty pleasure that is free to be enjoyed in November, October, or sometimes even July. “Listens to bad christmas music” should probably be added onto the Augustana roommate survey form as it can turn from cheer to charged in such close living spaces.
While pumping out your early Christmas cheer, there are some Christmas albums that should (probably) not be included in your playlist this year unless you’re looking for a whole different brand of christmas cheer.
Finding the world’s worst christmas album is essentially an impossible task, even more so than making it through a particularly bad album without laughing or muting it before insanity sets in. Buzzfeed and nme.com are at odds over which of their own collections of the worst Christmas albums in existence.
Between the two, albums by David Hasselhoff, Twisted Sister, The Brady Bunch, Colonel Sanders, and Regis Philbin all take their place in infamy. While these are all great candidates in all the wrong ways, surviving these albums is possible since the music videos are more comical than should be atrocious.
The album that gives me an entirely new definition to worst christmas album in existence is one entitled “Kazoo Christmas,” with honorable mentions for “Jingle Cats” and “Jingle Dogs.” The content of the album is accurately summed up in the title, and is fun for approximately 30 seconds until it becomes simply deadly to both eardrums and sanity.
The rendition of Silent Night is anything but peaceful and serene, and “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” could be equated to an aerial onslaught of angry ducks, even despite the guitar solo near the end.
It should be noted that the guitar solos that are featured on this album sound like a spanish guitar, an odd and off-putting contrast to the barrage of angry ducks.
The album is no stranger to other strange accompanying instruments as “O Come All Ye Faithful” includes a banjo and a fiddle, providing a folky aesthetic. “Joy to the World” features a fiddle, while “Jingle Bells” features a type of flute giving both a certain flair in homage to the Irish jig.
The songs are generally upbeat and cheerful, but at certain points in the album, dissonant chords are sounded that can either make a person laugh in shock or cringe in fear.
“Kazoo Christmas” can be found on YouTube, or on Amazon for anyone crazy enough to purchase it. One will certainly feel changed in all the inspirited ways after this listening experience, and listener discretion is advised.