There is never a good time to lose someone you love, but senior year of college is perhaps amongst the rougher times to have it happen. I’ve gotten two of the sort of phone calls no one ever wants to get this school year. A dear family friend passed away unexpectedly during fall break, and at the very beginning of spring term, my grandmother passed away quite unexpectedly as well.
The passing of loved ones during such a hectic year of my life has not created as much disaster as it could have. I feel fortunate in that regard. Grief is such a personal, individual experience at times, so not everyone will have the same luck as I did in navigating the aftermath of loss.
But it is possible to be plunged into loss and come out the other side with sanity, and grades, relatively intact. Hopefully any other Augie students who might be struggling with a loss themselves as this year winds to a close can find comfort here knowing they aren’t alone.
As difficult as it was for me to do, asking for extensions on assignments in the weeks following my grandmother’s passing especially was a life-saver, and a grade-saver. For students dealing with grief, it is extra okay to admit that even though you might be physically present, your mind needs a little extra time to focus in light of all that has been going on. I might still have to ask for an extension or two in the weeks to come, as I need to take the time to go back to southwest Iowa and help empty out my grandmother’s apartment. The bottom line: Professors are people too, and some things are more important than a deadline.
Another thing that has really helped me deal with my grief is coming to terms with the fact that it is okay to feel the way I feel, and my feelings are not something shameful to be hidden. Whether a person needs to express their feelings privately through art, writing, or physical activity, or to a listening ear – a counselor, a professor, a family member, a friend – letting the feelings out and allowing the grieving to happen is important. If you ignore a broken bone, it will cause many more problems than one you take the time to go to a doctor to set and heal. Grief can and should be treated like a legitimate ailment, not an ignorable emotion.
The most important lesson that the death of my loved ones has taught me that life is ceaseless in its relentless continuation. The unyielding force of being has been both a blessing and a burden in the face of a grief that just wants everything else to stop as completely as those two lives that meant so much to me. But life continues on, flowing around the rock of my grief like a river.
The hardest part of trying to heal my heart in the aftermath of loss is the slow letting go of the stillness of grief, and the rejoining of that river that wants to keep carrying me onward. My loved ones wanted me to keep going, and live my best life. The best way I can honor them is to try to do just that.