“When people learn I’m from south of the Mason Dixon line, the immediate follow-up question is ‘Why don’t you have an accent?’ I appreciate the fact that your education has enabled you to surmise such things. But also, please shut up. NO, I do not go hunting ‘on the regular.’ NO, I do not know how to make meth (although I used to live in the meth capital of the United States.) And lastly, I do not have an accent. It’s funny… your education has taught you to abstain from stereotyping and yet here I am- having this conversation again.” -Ashley Kethcart, senior
“I think I am going to slap the next girl at Augustana who says she’s anti-feminist. Sorry not sorry, but you should not be getting an education right now if you truly believe that. You should already be married, popping out tiny humans, and cooking and cleaning in that kitchen. Obedience is key to being a good mother-effing-wife. Listen to that husband you should already have by now, ladies.  And if you want a job, don’t. Jobs are dangerous to securing the sanctuary of marriage; you don’t want that man coming home to a cold house! Know your own worth.” -Jadyn Derr, senior
“God? No. God? No. Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! In God I don’t trust (I trust myself, others, my dog to piss in my house if I stay away for more than five hours…not God). Gandhi is in hell? Gandhi is in limbo? I’m going to limbo? The priest looked at me funny. During my first holy communion he demanded that he put that chalky wafer into my mouth (That’s his skin?). I didn’t know what sexual tension was back then. Today I would have called the police. I don’t care if grandma says he didn’t mean it. I was scared.” -Trevor Jablonski, junior
“Group projects are quite possibly the bane of my academic existence. One would think that a group of three or four adults collaborating on an assignment should be easy, right? Absolutely wrong. The potential margin of error of group projects is larger than Donald Trump’s ego. Having to coordinate your entire group’s busy individual’s schedules, combating the social loafer(s), agreeing upon which Drake song you want to use in your video project, and getting all this done by the deadline are just naming a small handful of struggles group projects bring about. Group projects need to be eradicated #stopGroupProjects2k16.” -LuAnna Gerdemann, first-year
“For some people, gray hair is inevitable. But, when young people want gray hair, it is called the craziest new fashion trend. Celebrities such as Lady Gaga and Rihanna have sported wild hair colors including gray! Who would have thought this would be a real trend?!  I can’t believe a young person would want to dye their hair gray, when it will just turn gray on its own. Why do you want to look old when you are still young? Make your own trend. Try frosted tips or just plain red! Make your own style and forget about the celebrities.” -Claire Hammer and Amanda Kramer, seniors
“grade grade grade grade grade grade grade grade grade grade grade grade grade grade grade grade grade grade grade grade (breath) grade grade grade grade grade grade grade grade grade grade grade gradE grADE gRADE GRADE GRADE GRADE GRADE GRADE should grade should grade should grade think about grading grade grade a little think about grading (deep breath) GRADE GRADE do the dishes stack the pages grade one coffee break GRADE (rest) GRADE (breathe) consider throwing them out, who’d know? Brilliant paper makes me cry. Absent paper makes me cry. Collect the final stacks. Have you graded our papers yet?” -Sharon Varallo, professor
“Why don’t people pay attention to birds? Every day, you see dozens of birds. Perhaps hundreds of birds… but do you even give them a second glance? Do you pause to ponder what an amazing marvel of nature every bird is, from the beautifully crafted tail feathers to the keen eyes and elegant beak. Since I became a birder, it changed my life. Now around campus, I don’t just see birds – I’ve seen a great horned owl near Hanson and a green heron in the Slough. Stop and look around. Observe the birds. Maybe it will change your life too.” -Forrest Stonedahl, professor
“While Retro-Romanticism might not be a phrase we all use extensively, we’ve all seen it in some way or another. We all have that friend —or you might be that friend— who shares a picture of teenagers from the 50’s on date drinking milkshakes in a diner with the caption “Why was I born in the wrong generation?” The thing is, romanticizing a time period filled with racism, homophobia, misogyny and overall negativity slows future progress. You don’t need to be born in the 50’s to throw on your best poodle skirt and go drink some milkshakes with your boo.” -Taylor Hughes, first-year
“Yesterday marked the quasi-beginning to America’s favorite circus; scores of hard-working and caring people flocked into overcrowded buildings to ‘have their voices heard’. Everywhere one turns, it is dogmatically insisted that the average citizen partake in this quadrennial festival by caucusing or voting. An obvious question arises: Why is political participation only expected to insist of punching a ballot? A short peek into history shows that fundamental change only comes about via constant, tireless action. As the notable Lutheran theologian, Albert Schweitzer, remarked: ‘The first step in the evolution of ethics is a sense of solidarity with other human beings.’” -Logan Green, first-year
“Why, oh why in all that is holy would a professor have a final paper AND a final exam!? As if I didn’t have enough to worry about, they pull this crap on me. In my case, not one but two of my professor have decided to do this. Even worse, both of these are for my 100 level courses! You know, the courses that have absolutely nothing to do with my major but I have to take to graduate. Yeah, those freaking courses. Needless to say, graduation couldn’t come any sooner.” -Andrew Houkal, senior
“People say, ‘You should remind someone that you love them everyday, not just February 14th.’ I agree, yet the importance of showing love is exactly why Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday. Love is important enough that it deserves its own day, where you can put aside distractions and remember the love in your life. It doesn’t matter if you have a significant other. On Valentine’s Day, show your mom, roommate, best friend, dog, or even yourself, some love. It’s a chance to make sure every single person knows that they are loved and valuable, something they may have forgotten.” -Eileen Ruppel, sophomore
“I am Latina. Yes, really. Yes, I’m fluent in Spanish. Mexican isn’t a language. No, I’m not Mexican. I know I don’t have an accent. If I deserve an award for speaking English, where’s your blue ribbon? Yes, I have light skin. I am White-passing. But I am also Latina. Sorry that I defy your overused racial constructs, for unintentionally wearing a White People™ costume so convincingly that my heritage is somehow invalid. Forgive me for testing your intellect by naming Latino countries other than the one you disrespect so thoughtlessly. I am Latina. And I’m not apologizing for it.” -Monica Gil, sophomore
“When I was a freshman, the coffee at the CC sucked. Now we have the CSL. I don’t understand how after all the money that was poured into CSL, the coffee somehow got even worse. I would understand if the coffee stayed the same sucky coffee, but it didn’t. The coffee is now undrinkable trash that would be rejected by swine. It’s so bad that I believe the administration is intentionally sabotaging the coffee in hopes that the brew will make more money. If the school thinks it’s worth $50,000 a year, then it should at least get some Folgers.” -Keith Sands, senior
“There are an unbelievable amount of problems with the world today, particularly with the United States. Amazingly enough, the greatest issue facing this country, directly contributes to a majority of the other problems we have to deal with. The winner of this title is Wall Street. The big banks that run wall street find every little way in which they can cheat the system and screw over the regular, working American. The leaders of this broken system only profit while we struggle to get by. We are simply rats, running on a wheel that powers the world of overweight rodents.” -Elijah Olson, senior
There are many issues our beloved society does not address, such as our educational system. Let’s be honest we don’t have the best educational system. I mean think about it back in high school there were so much emphasize on the ACT or SATs. Does taking an exam measure one’s intelligence? Of course not society fails to realize that we have different learning styles. Let’s not forget about how we all vary in intelligence. By the way if you don’t know about the Multiple Intelligence Theory do yourself a huge favor and Google it right now.” -Kristoffer Kizer, sophomore

“There is literally no difference between mental illness and physical illness. Someone with pneumonia can’t just ‘decide to feel better.’ You cannot ‘walk off’ a broken bone. Similarly¸ a person with literal chemical imbalances in their brain cannot just ‘cheer up.’  Mental health issues require the same professional attention as physical ailments. You go to the doctor for check-ups even when you feel fine. You can (should) get mental health check-ups too¸ even if you feel fine. You wouldn’t judge  someone for a physical condition they have and there shouldn’t be any difference when it comes to mental health. #endthestigma” -Anne Mitchell, junior 

“Public Service Announcement: PUT YOUR SILVERWARE IN THE CHUTE! It seems like a very minute thing. Speaking as a Dining Services student employee, I can say that putting your forks down the chute makes a huge difference. The dishroom operates by a very organized system, but only with your cooperation. Plates go down a series of conveyor belts and are stacked by hand. Silverware, however, must be washed separately. Employees must take time to put separate leftover silverware from dishes. The dishroom can get incredibly busy and every second counts. Make our lives easier. Put your silverware in the chute!” -Emma Nordmeyer, first-year
“Has anyone considered the negative effects of our promoting the ‘Augie Bubble’? We discuss this concept of near isolationism with pride, when in reality it is simply a manifestation of our fear of new environments. By constantly taking refuge in the ‘Augie Bubble’ we are promoting elitist attitudes of security, and further endorsing the idea that Rock Island is an unsafe environment. Which is somewhat ironic when one comparatively considers that college campuses are a breeding ground for sexual violence, and assault. I’m not saying the ‘Augie Bubble’ is bad per se, I’m just saying it hasn’t kept me safe.” -Maggie McDonald, senior
“Could you name a few of the Asian characters portrayed in the mainstream media? Whether it is hard for you to think of, or those characters are represented in a narrow stereotypes. They have a distinct accent, or are sex objects, or are super nerdy. Indeed, Asians in the American media are extremely misrepresented. People says that Blacks and Hispanics are misrepresented in the media, but they are far above from where Asians are. I am an Asian and am not good at math OR science; I don’t practice martial arts; I don’t eat dogs; and I am proud of my own race and identity.” -Loc Nguyen, sophomore
“My lack of desire to have children has been constantly criticized my whole life. Society says I will find the right person to eventually change my mind, which may well happen, but having children should not be the act that defines my life and legitimizes my existence. My sense of purpose and validation comes from my ability to give back. The dull ache of inadequacy would not come from a barren womb, rather it would come from the thoughts of what I could have become had I pursed a life and career before a family. So for now, I’ll stick with cats.” -Maggie McDonald, senior
“Reading the rant email, my reaction was to erase it. Reconsidering the reflex, I’ve decided to reflect…on reflections. A reflection on reflections sounds like two mirrors facing each other…pointless. But it’s what we Vikings do! I’ve written 8,000 reflections (a conservative estimate), and with each I learned something new. Something important. Something self-centered. Indeed, we’ve all become knowledgeable Narcissus-es, watching the world in the pools of our eyes; forget the ripples our blinking causes! Better take distortion over reality, which won’t cater to personal prejudices. Let our social justice be primping in self-reflections, then whacking society’s face with the mirror.” -Aubrey Waddick, senior.
“So, I see a lot of my peers supporting Bernie Sanders, and understandably so. One policy of his that people seem to like is the idea of free public college. But what happens to our Alma Mater if that comes to be? Can Augustana College compete with public universities if it charges thousands and public school are free? Would Augustana go under, or would it move into a more religious niche similar to elementary and secondary education private institutions? I feel like this sounds paranoid, but I like to picture a thriving campus to return to as an alumn.” -Michael J. Currie, senior
“To all the future doctors on Augustana’s campus: Birth Control is not a cure to all ‘female complaints.’ Please don’t prescribe it to every girl who comes in your office complaining of something wrong. I and so many of my friends have been dismissed by doctors – ‘oh you haven’t had a period in 2 years? Take birth control.’ ‘You’re in so much pain every month you end up in the ER? Take birth control.’ Birth control should be used for birth control. When it’s used as a cure-all it becomes a Band-Aid covering up a wound that won’t heal.” -Clair Wright, senior
“‘You’re not considered an alcoholic until you graduate’, ‘If you aren’t blacking out you aren’t doing it right’ Some of my first lessons at Augustana. I learned the art of puke and rally, shot-gunning, and hangover recovery within weeks of having my first beer in a frat basement. By sophomore year I blacked out more times than I could count. I consistently hurt myself and the ones I love. Others damaged me in ways I will never be able to repair. By junior year I got two diagnoses and treatment. It’s senior year now and I am 6 months sober.” -Kimberly Roark, senior